I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were trust falling into bushes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
