So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
