Will you blow on my dice?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
