my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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