Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
