Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
