was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
