Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
