It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
