Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
