If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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