TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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