So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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