I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
