I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
