The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
