I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize