a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
