he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
