6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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