just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
