I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
