She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Are my feet made of real feet?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
