They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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