Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I stole a fireplace last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
