yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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