My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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