Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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