I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
