I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
