Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
