she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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