sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
