You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
