Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
