I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize