I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
