she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
