I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
