operation harelip BJ is a go
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
