I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
