I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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