Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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