dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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