Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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