Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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