even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize