so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
