Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
