There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
