im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
