I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize