I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
