if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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