How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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