Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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