When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
