your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
