WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
