I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
