Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
