You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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