I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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