my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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