Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
