sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
