she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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