i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
