Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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