you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize