I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
