Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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