I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
