Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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