Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
