so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
