I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I want her autograph on my taint
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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