Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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