Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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