is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
