ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You may now shotgun with the bride
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
