i just google imaged poop.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
