I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
