we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I will pee on everything he values.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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