I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
