I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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