so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
