I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
