Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
