I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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