yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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