there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
