I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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