Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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