This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
even my farts smell like vagina
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
