I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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