I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
